On why The Cruel King and the Great Hero is a better bedtime story than it is a satisfying JRPG

When the folks at Nippon Ichi Software revealed The Cruel King and the Great King in early 2021, I was ecstatic. I adored The Liar Princess and the Blind Prince, a puzzler-platformer with a similar aesthetic and vibe--so much so I declared it one of my favorite games of 2019--and thus expected the world from this follow-up.

With The Cruel King and the Great King being a JRPG rather than a side-scroller, though, I couldn't help but wonder how artist and writer Sayaka Oda and her talented team at NIS would handle the genre switch.

I say this because The Liar Princess and the Blind Prince is a wonderfully accessible, streamlined, and unique take on the puzzler-platformer genre. Before I played it, it was hard to imagine how The Cruel King and the Great King would check those same boxes.

After finishing The Cruel King and the Great King, the difficulty makes perfect sense. Although the game is plenty accessible, and some may argue it's streamlined and unique, too, it's not streamlined or unique in the ways I hoped or expected it would be in the wake of The Liar Princess and the Blind Prince.

One noteworthy case in point: there's no traditional overworld map, dotted with towns and dungeons, to explore in The Cruel King and the Great King. Instead, the game presents players with a minimalistic map that's vaguely Metroidvania-esque. Rather than traverse it by jumping from platform to platform, though, you move from point to point by ambling left and right down tight and barren (but beautiful!) hallways.

This is a lot less taxing than scouring a vast overworld or stumbling through a maze-like dungeon, of course, but I personally never found it to be an enjoyable or satisfying alternative to the status quo, and I'm pretty sure most others would feel similarly about this odd design decision. (For the curious, Nintendo's Miitopia does a much better job of tweaking this staple RPG component.)

Another example of how The Cruel King and the Great King tweaks the RPG formula but ultimately fails to produce something gratifying: party members occasionally learn new battle skills, and some of them allow you to target groups of enemies that are lined up vertically, horizontally, or diagonally. Depending on the makeup of your party (and the alignment of your enemies), you can combine these skills to overwhelm the opposition.

Unfortunately, the game conspires in several ways to keep this from happening as often as it could or should. For starters, each character learns just one or two of these skills during an average playthrough. And not only that, but it can take a long time to learn them. Also, enemies typically are grouped in ways that make it possible to defeat some, but not all, using such combos.

Although that's hardly the worst thing in the world, I think The Cruel King and the Great King would have been a lot breezier and a lot more fun if it set things up to make these happen as often as possible. Especially since the game's tussles are fairly ho-hum otherwise.

The Cruel King and the Great King's battles disappoint--though underwhelm may be a better word here--in another important way, too. Early on, the game tells you that you can spare enemies in certain situations. To be honest, that notification basically went in one ear and out the other for me, or whatever the equivalent is for your eyes while reading. Later, I remembered it and looked it up online, worried I might be missing something vital or even playing the game "wrong."

I was missing something, it turns out, but not anything important--as far as I'm aware. If you manage to expose an enemy's weakness and make it sweat, you can let it escape. The thing is, exposing an enemy's weakness is easier said than done, especially early in the game, and even then, there's no guarantee the enemy will agree to flee.

As such, playing The Cruel King and the Great King like it's an Undertale knockoff isn't really possible. Which is just as well, as the game currently doesn't give you any reason to do so. Sparing an enemy doesn't benefit you in any way, or at least it didn't seem to during my playthrough. It was noted in my "monsterdex," but that's it.

It's too bad The Cruel King and the Great King's designers and developers decided to incorporate this element into the experience and then do so little with it. Especially since the story, which follows an orphaned girl who is raised by a dragon and helps local monster-folk while training to become a "hero," is a perfect fit for such anti-RPG gameplay.

Based on what I've said so far, you're probably thinking I wish I'd never wasted my time and money on The Cruel King and the Great King. I don't--and keep in mind this is coming from someone who dropped big bucks on the game's pricey "Treasure Trove" bundle. Oh, sure, the protagonist's slower-than-molasses walking speed occasionally (OK, regularly) got on my nerves. And there were times when the frequency of the battles bugged me, too.

Still, I enjoyed it overall. Its story is the definition of heartwarming and is, without a doubt, the highlight of The Cruel King and the Great King. Its soundtrack is top of the line, too. Even after hearing its main battle theme 100 times, you won't tire of it--or at least I never did. And of course it's filled with gorgeous, hard-drawn art, like most Nippon Ichi games are these days. (See Yomawari, Mad Rat Dead, and Labyrinth of Refrain for evidence.)

There's no denying I expected more of it, though. I consider The Liar Princess and the Blind Prince to be one of the best games Nippon Ichi's ever made. I've played through it four times and would struggle to find fault with it if pressed on the issue.

Because of that, I had high hopes The Cruel King and the Great King would follow in that game's footsteps a bit more than it did. Oh, well, at least it came through with a killer bedtime story.

See also: The good, bad, and ugly of Heroland (or, why I'm thinking of walking away from this oddball RPG after putting 20-plus hours into it)

Alice in Wonderland for the Nintendo DS: a hidden gem with a few flaws

People have been telling me for years that Alice in Wonderland for the Nintendo DS was one of the dual-screened system's hidden gems.

So, why did I wait until a couple of weekends ago to find out if I agreed with their assessment? Honestly, I dragged my feet on playing this version of Alice in Wonderland up to now because I found its box art repulsive. That's a terrible excuse, I know, but it's the truth. Plus, all that really matters is I eventually pushed my stupid biases aside and gave the game a chance.

Actually, I gave it more than a chance; I finished it--and in three days, no less. What did I think of the seven-plus hours I spent with Alice in Wonderland? The gist is I adored it. It's not without flaw, though, so keep reading if you want the full story on this portable puzzler-platformer.

Five things I loved about Alice in Wonderland

Its art style is surprisingly astounding--Imagine the gothic cartoonishness of Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas mixed with the chunky, cel-shaded adorableness of Capcon's Okamiden. That's about what you get, visually speaking, from the DS version of Disney Interactive Studios' Alice in Wonderland. Not exactly what you expected from a throwaway licensed game, right? Me neither. But, boy, did I appreciate the unasked-for effort developer Etranges Libellules put into this 2010 release's aesthetics.

It's no cakewalk--Disney may have published this tie-in to the 2010 film of the same name, which the above-mentioned Burton directed, but it ain't no kiddie game. No sirree. That's not because the few enemies you encounter in Alice in Wonderland are tough to topple, mind you. Rather, it's due to the fact that it's not always easy to figure out where to go or what to do next. On a related note, one of the first things that went through my mind after I started this title was that it would flummox most youngsters. Hell, I think it would flummox most older players, too. I appreciated the challenge myself, but I have a feeling some folks will walk away from it in frustration.

It's the perfect length--One of the main reasons I finally got off my butt and booted up my long-ignored Alice in Wonderland cartridge was howlongtobeat.com suggested it would take me around 10 hours to finish. Anything under 20 hours is especially appealing to me these days, so I was thrilled when I reached this game's credit roll in just over seven hours. If that sounds too short to you, consider this: I'll definitely tackle Alice in Wonderland DS again down the road. Not simply because I enjoyed it the first time around, but because I think I'll enjoy it even more the second time around thanks to everything I learned in my earlier playthrough.

It's more than yet another Metroidvania--At its heart, Alice in Wonderland is a member of the ever-popular Metroidvania genre. But it's a bit more than that, too. For starters, you explore and re-explore the game's multifaceted world map not alone, as you do in most such games, but with a partner (Alice herself) in tow. Also, you don't lead her around as the same character for the whole adventure. At various points, you join forces with three other "guardians" you can switch to whenever you'd like. Even better, each one gives you access to special moves that help you do things like cross gaps, remove obstacles from your path, and see the flipside of a level.

It makes ample use of the DS' touch screen--If you tend to like games that put the DS hardware through its paces, you should love Alice in Wonderland. Pretty much every aspect of this title is controlled via the touch screen. You use it to move the protagonists, fight enemies, interact with the environment, and more. You can even use it to mark interesting locations on the map so you can return to them later. It all works surprisingly well, too--though I'm sure it helps that Alice is a fairly slow-paced game that favors brainpower over reflexes.

Five things I didn't love about Alice in Wonderland

Some might say it uses the touch screen a little too amply--Why? Because you pretty much only use the DS' touch screen while playing Alice in Wonderland. You can't use its directional pad or buttons to control characters or battle baddies even if you want to do so. I can't say that kept me from having a blast with the game, but I also can't say I wouldn't have had an even bigger blast with it if it had allowed me to, say, use my 3DS' circle pad instead of its touch screen to move the white rabbit and his blond, bug-eyed charge left and right.

Fighting enemies isn't much fun--After my first hour or so with Alice in Wonderland, I groaned every single time the background ripped open and baddies poured out of the swirling vortex that tear revealed. The resulting battles never proved to be overly difficult; in fact, I don't remember losing a single one. As a result, I'm not sure why the game includes them--or includes so many of them, at least. In my humble opinion, the overall experience would've been a lot more pleasant if Alice either offered up fewer of such fights or filled them with fewer enemies.

It can be pretty confusing--Alice in Wonderland doesn't always do a great job of explaining how things work. The game's "jigsaw system" is a great example. Early on, I had no idea what I was supposed to do with the puzzle pieces I uncovered during my travels. I eventually figured things out, but I got close to throwing in the towel a couple of times before then. I doubt that was the intention of the title's developers.

I wish the jigsaw system had more depth--This system is seriously cool in theory, if not always in practice. As I just mentioned, you collect puzzle pieces as you traipse across Alice in Wonderland's numerous stages. Whenever you come across a new one, you plop it onto the world map. How you connect it to the existing pieces determines which level, or which part of a level, you can access next. Unfortunately, the aforementioned map is small, so you barely get to explore the potential of this intriguing system before your journey comes to an end.

The soundtrack is a real bummer--Given Alice in Wonderland's visuals (not to mention its Tim Burton connection), I expected its soundtrack to be equal parts ominous and quirky. Instead, it's tepid and orchestral. Don't get me wrong, it's far from terrible, but in my mind it's at odds with the overall vibe of this darkly whimsical adventure.

See also: 'Six reasons all the people who suggested I'd hate A Witch's Tale were wrong'

My unasked-for review of Hey! Pikmin: I liked it, I really liked it!

I bought Hey! Pikmin a couple of years ago when retailers were selling copies at a fraction of their original asking price.

It's been sitting in a drawer ever since it arrived on my doorstep, though, because the negative word of mouth that surrounds this side-scrolling Pikmin spinoff convinced me it was a dud.

What prompted me to slip my Hey! Pikmin cart into my flame-red 3DS at long last? This recent write-up played a role, naturally, but so did my desire to play a DS or 3DS game that wasn't an RPG.

Hey! Pikmin fit that bill as well as any other game in my collection, so I started my way through it late last week. Five days and just about 13 hours later, I was done with it--final boss, credit roll, and all.

Although this post's headline should make it pretty clear how I feel about the time I spent with Hey! Pikmin, I'm guessing most of you would like to know a little more about those feelings than just, "I loved it!"

For those folks, here are some of the positives--and negatives!--that stuck out at me while I traipsed my way through Hey! Pikmin.

Hey! Pikmin pros

It looks great--Visually, Hey! Pikmin reminds me of Yoshi's New Island. Which makes a lot of sense, as developer Arzest made both of these 3DS games. Don't fret if you despise New Island's aesthetics. Not only are the graphics in Hey! Pikmin more consistent than those of its Yoshi-starring counterpart, but they're more consistently pretty, too.

The puzzle-centric gameplay is refreshingly unique--At times, Hey! Pikmin feels like it began life as a Kirby or Yoshi game. An example: you use the Pikmin you collect here to defeat enemies and solve puzzles, much like you use eggs to complete those same actions in your average Yoshi title. Overall, though, Hey! Pikmin's gameplay differs just enough from that of the aforementioned counterparts to feel unique. There's no real "platforming"--or even jumping--in this spinoff, for starters. Also, the pace is a lot slower and more deliberate than it is in most Yoshi and Kirby games. And then there are the eponymous, carrot-like creatures, which, as you might expect, provide their own twist to this well-worn genre.

It's almost blissfully short--When I was younger, Hey! Pikmin's brevity would've caused me to blow a gasket. These days, short games thrill me. I no longer have the time or attention span to play more than a couple of super-long games each year. So, Hey! Pikmin was perfect for me in that regard.

Another way it was perfect for me: it didn't overstay its welcome. You might be thinking, "Of course it didn't, you only played it for 13 hours!" My response is that if Hey! Pikmin had included one more sector (world), even one more boss, it would've actively annoyed me. In other words, it basically ended right around when I thought it should. How many times does that happen with modern games?

Also, it's perfect for short bursts of play--If you, too, prefer games that allow you to plug away at them a little bit at a time, you should track down a copy of Hey! Pikmin pronto. Assuming you're still in the mood for 3DS titles, of course. Most Hey! Pikmin stages can be finished in just a few minutes. And most sectors can be finished in an hour or so. It all makes for a pretty wonderful situation if you don't have a ton of free time and you're not a huge fan of games that take months to complete.

I'm pretty sure I'll replay it sooner rather than later--And that's not something I say about a lot of games these days. So why am I saying it here? Because I'm already looking forward to experiencing certain Hey! Pikmin levels a second or even third time, that's why. I'm especially looking forward to revisiting the frosty stages of the "Snowfall Field" sector--like the one that tasks you with controlling Olimar and his pluckable, pint-sized crew while sliding down a mountain atop a bottle cap.

Hey! Pikmin cons

It chugs a bit on an OG 3DS--It's possible Hey! Pikmin is like Poochy and Yoshi's Woolly World and performs better when played on a New 3DS. My only experience with the former title to date, though, is on an OG 3DS. And when played on an OG 3DS, Hey! Pikmin's frame rate struggles a bit on several stages. I'd even go so far as to say it struggles mightily on a few. That's never really bothered me, strangely enough, but I know it bugs others, so I thought I'd point it out here.

It's pretty easy--You know how in most Kirby and Yoshi games, the real challenge comes from nabbing all the collectibles in a stage or finishing a level without taking a hit? Well, the same is true of Hey! Pikmin. If you hate that sort of thing, you'll probably hate this side-scroller, too.

Too few stages force you to use multiple kinds of Pikmin--Considering Hey! Pikmin features five different Pikmin types, you might think it would be chock-full of levels requiring you to use all, or at least several, of them. Nope. The majority only let you use one or two. Just a handful let you use three, and I can't think of a single one that lets you use all five. A missed opportunity, if you ask me.

A number of stages are locked behind Amiibos--Of all the negatives I'm highlighting here, this one irritates me the most. Actually, it's the only one that irritates me, period. Thankfully, most--all?--of the Hey! Pikmin levels that are locked behind Amiibos seem to be of the "secret spot" variety. Meaning they're single-screened, puzzle-centric stages rather than full-fledged ones. Still, it's beyond annoying that you need to own Amiibos to access them.

See also: 'Five Nintendo 3DS games I want to play in 2020'

Check out the Tobu Tobu Girl review I wrote for Hardcore Gaming 101

To those of you who are sick of me writing, tweeting, or otherwise chatting about Tangram Games' Tobu Tobu Girl, I'm sorry.

Don't worry, I'll return to blogging and blathering on about other games soon enough.

In the meantime, please consider reading the Tobu Tobu Girl review I wrote for Hardcore Gaming 101. I think it'll help you understand why I adore the game so much.

Speaking of which, one of the reasons I love Tobu Tobu Girl is that it reminds me of Nintendo's Balloon Kid. As I say in my HG101 review of the former, "both [games] star plucky girls. Both begin with loved ones--a brother in Balloon Kid, a cat in Tobu Tobu Girl--carried away by balloons. Both feature gameplay that regularly makes you feel like you’re a pinball ricocheting around the screen."

That's where the similarities end, though. Again, from my review: "Whereas Balloon Kid is a unique spin on the side-scrolling platformer genre, Tobu Tobu Girl is an arcadey, twitchy, high-score-chasing affair that’s akin to Ferry Halim’s Winterbells. Much like that 2006 effort, the main objective in Tobu Tobu Girl is to quickly climb the screen by bouncing off anything and everything in your path. In Winterbells, that means bells and birds; in Tangram Games’ title, it means birds, bats, ghosts, and even aliens."

On a related, note, Tangram Games recently teamed up with First Press Games to launch a Kickstarter for Tobu Tobu Girl Deluxe, a GameBoy Color-enhanced reworking of the original.

Although a free, open-source ROM of Tobu Tobu Girl Deluxe will be released in a few months, backers of this Kickstarter will receive physical (boxed) copies of the game.

See also: 'Ten questions with the guys behind the best GameBoy game you've probably never played, Tobu Tobu Girl'

The Great Gaymathon Review #76: Golf Story (Switch)

Game: Golf Story

Genre: Sports/RPG

Developer: Sidebar Games

Publisher: Sidebar Games

System: Switch

Release date: 2017

Is Golf Story really the second coming of Nintendo's Mario Golf series? Or does it really blend Scotland's national sport with the kooky, quirky, cult classic, EarthBound? My answer to both of those questions is a fairly resounding "no."

That's not to suggest Sidebar Games' maiden release never delights. It does. I wouldn't go so far as to say it delights as much as either of the aforementioned efforts, though--in large part because it lacks the kind of polish associated with most games made by Nintendo and its development partners.

Nowhere is this more clear than when a bug or glitch pops up and interrupts play. Thankfully, most of these are simply aggravating, but a few are game-breaking. Regardless, you won't find either variety in the games that supposedly inspired this one.

There are other aspects of Golf Story that keep it from reaching the heady heights of EarthBound and the Mario Golf GameBoy Color and Advance titles, too. One is its lack of direction or clarity--as in, the game frequently fails to be clear about what you're supposed to do or where you're supposed to go next. Another is its soundtrack, which is far from terrible but also isn't what I'd call enjoyable.



Still, despite these shortcomings, and despite the fact that I don't consider it to exist in the same space as the best Mario Golf titles and EarthBound, Golf Story is an entrancing game.

Its story and protagonist aren't anything special, to tell you the truth. At the starter, you're plopped into the shoes of an "average Joe" kind of guy (you can't choose a gal instead, unfortunately) and then tasked with helping him live out his childhood dream of becoming a pro.

Thankfully, once you get the ball rolling on that journey, the clichés that support it tend to fade into the background. That's a testament to its accessible and appealingly breezy gameplay, which does, in fact, recall Nintendo's first two portable Mario Golf titles--to a point. Granted, most arcade-y golf games control similarly these days; you know, hit a button to get a cursor moving along a linear gauge, hit it again when the cursor nears the gauge's peak (this determines the power of your swing), and then hit it one last time as the cursor approaches its starting point (this determines your timing).

Beyond that basic gameplay element, though, Golf Story feels pretty unique among casual golf titles. You're occasionally asked to play nine holes against another of the game's characters (once per course, to be more specific), but that cornerstone of the sport often takes a backseat to the less traditional--not to mention less time consuming--challenges nearby NPCs offer up as you stroll around each locale.



Some are merely intriguing--like, "I'll bet you can't hit the green from the bunker five times"--while others are downright silly. (A couple of noteworthy examples: using your clubs to feed hungry fish and to hit eyeballs into skeleton skulls.)

On top of all that, Golf Story also allows you to "tee up anywhere." As in, you can drop a ball and take a crack at a hole whenever and wherever you'd like. Or you can simply smack balls in random directions, if that's what you prefer. Regardless, I personally think that press release bullet point is more interesting in theory than in practice.

So, what about the rest of this indie darling? It certainly looks the part, with graphics that evoke the better (cartoonish) sports games of the late 1980s or early 1990s. As for its story, it may not be as brilliant or as "out there" as EarthBound's, but it's well crafted and stuffed with text that elicits a chuckle. In other words, it's deserving of the attention and praise that've been heaped upon it to date.

The same can be said of Golf Story as a whole. Sure, it's not quite the blend of EarthBound and Mario Golf many claim it to be, but it's still charming and addictive and an overall joy to play--even with its bugs, glitches, and other rough edges.



See also: previous Golf Story impressions and previous 'Great Gaymathon' reviews

The Great Gaymathon Review #75: The Starship Damrey (3DS)

Game: The Starship Damrey

Genre: Adventure

Developer: Level-5

Publisher: Level-5

System: 3DS (eShop)

Release date: 2013

If you've heard anything about The Starship Damrey, it's probably that it doesn't last long. And it doesn't--my playthrough ended just short of the four-hour mark, while I've heard others have reached the game's credit roll just two-and-a-half hours after they started it.

Some people will tell you The Starship Damrey isn't worth buying because of its brevity. I'm not one of them. In fact, I think that in a world of 100-hour behemoths like Dragon Quest VII, this game's curtness should be looked at as a major selling point.

It helps, of course, that I purchased The Starship Damrey for a measly $2.99. (It's usually $7.99.) Still, considering this Level-5 release is at least as long as, and easily as compelling as, your average popcorn flick, I'd say it's well worth eight bucks, if that's what you have to pay to get it.

As for what makes The Starship Damrey so compelling, well, its setting--a derelict spaceship that calls to mind those depicted in the Alien and Aliens films--has a lot to do with it. Even better, the game begins with you waking up trapped inside a "Cold Sleep" capsule within the above-mentioned ship. And on top of that, it offers no explanation as to why you're there or what you're supposed to do to escape it.

From that point on, it's up to you to solve those mysteries by making use of the handful of "Assist Robots" situated throughout the craft and having them prowl its nearly silent interiors in your stead.

Thankfully, exploring Damrey's halls--from a first-person perspective, if the screens here don't make it clear--is both easy and intuitive. Your 3DS' directional pad controls movement (press up to go forward, right to turn in that direction, etc.), while its circle pad controls the camera. A press of the system's face buttons lets you interact with or investigate items in your path or field of view, like doors, bodies or other objects of interest.

It has to be noted, by the way, that you do all of the above while basically fumbling around in the dark. You also do it in almost complete silence. Some ambient noise, as opposed to an actual soundtrack, accompanies your journey through the Starship Damrey's claustrophobic innards, but only a smidgen.

Both aspects are sure to cause a certain percentage of players to wrinkle their noses in disgust--or at least annoyance. Although I'd understand such a reaction (to a point), I personally thought those design decisions helped solidify the sense of desolation and even dread that permeated my Starship Damrey playthrough.

In the end, I'd highly recommend this title, made by text-based-adventure pioneers Kazuya Asano and Takemaru Abiko, to anyone who doesn't consider first-person games set it dark, quiet and semi-claustrophobic environments to be deal-breaking turnoffs.

Just do your best to overcome any stumbling blocks without turning to a guide or an FAQ for assistance. After all, if you're only going to spend a couple of hours with a game, you may as well beat it on your own, right?

See also: previous 'Great Gaymathon' reviews

A somewhat gay review of Chase: Cold Case Investigations ~Distant Memories~ (3DS)

Game: Chase: Cold Case Investigations ~Distant Memories~

Genre: Visual novel

Developer: Arc System Works

Publisher: Aksys Games

System: 3DS

Release date: 2016

I had such high hopes for Chase: Cold Case Investigations. The main reason for that: some (but not all) of the folks who made Hotel Dusk--as well as Trace Memory and Little King's Story--also made this digital 3DS game.

Unfortunately, Chase: Cold Case Investigations--or at least the minuscule portion of it that's presented in "Distant Memories" (more on what that means in a few paragraphs)--is no Hotel Dusk.

Hotel Dusk, despite its flaws, was a fully realized and surprisingly engaging, not to mention cinematic, product that showed just how marvelously dynamic a "visual novel" could be.

Unlike most of visual novels I've played--including Hakuoki and Sweet Fuse for PSP--to date, Hotel Dusk was more than a simple "Choose Your Own Adventure" story accompanied by static (and admittedly pretty) illustrations and enjoyable, if not altogether memorable, soundtracks. That 2007 title one-upped its fairly staid genremates by allowing players to freely move around within and otherwise explore three-dimensional spaces. It also let them solve puzzles and take notes using the DS' touch screen--all while holding the system on its side, "book-style."

And then there were satisfyingly superficial flourishes like the rotoscoped character portraits and the superbly low-key (and jazzy) backing tunes.

Sadly, you won't experience any of the above while working your way through Chase: Cold Case Investigations. What will you experience instead? A depressingly small cast (of six, if memory serves). Art that isn't completely terrible but is a far cry from what's showcased in the developer's previous titles. Scenes that feature such little animation they may as well be motionless. No exploration whatsoever. Disappointingly straightforward interactions with the game's characters. Oh, and the writing has little of the verve that drips from Hotel Dusk's text.

To be blunt, Chase: Cold Case Investigations feels half-baked. Worse, it feels like the half-baked introduction to what should be a much larger and longer game.

In its defense, it seems pretty obvious "Distant Memories" is just one part of what will wind up as a multi-part release. Still, this opening salvo is so underwhelming--and so relatively expensive, at $6 for less then two hours of content--that it's currently hard for me to imagine picking up any future installments unless it's clear from the word go they offer a lot more than this initial entry.

See also: previous 'somewhat gay' and 'Great Gaymathon' reviews

The Great Gaymathon Review #74: Pocket Card Jockey (3DS)

Game: Pocket Card Jockey

Genre: Puzzle

Developer: Game Freak

Publisher: Nintendo

System: 3DS (eShop)

Release date: 2016

You know a game is full-on bonkers when even telling someone it combines solitaire and horse racing doesn't convey how bonkers it is.

I'm sure some of you are wondering, can a title produced by the folks (at Game Freak) who gave the world the decidedly tame Pokémon series really be all that bonkers?

Consider that a proper Pocket Card Jockey playthrough means encountering and experiencing all of the following:

* getting trampled to death by an adorable peg-legged horse
* hyping up your solitaire skills while begging an angel to send you back to earth
* coming up with silly names for steeds of all shapes (one has a fiery mane, one looks like a dragon, one is dressed like a ninja, one seems to be a robot) and colors
* breeding those equines to produce offspring that are faster, more resilient and, hopefully, have a better temperament than their parents
* racing all of the above for a colorful cast of managers (including a spoiled rich kid with a pompadour, an effervescent pop idol and an evil scientist)

Oh, and last bullet point involves quickly clearing a series of golf solitaire tableaus--which also is pretty bonkers, if you ask me.

Of course, none of the wackiness described above means much if the rest of what’s on offer is a bore. Thankfully, it’s not. In fact, Pocket Card Jockey is as addictively and delightfully fun as it is brilliantly weird.

It’s like Tetris in that it’s the kind of game that prompts you tell yourself, “just one more race. OK, maybe two more.” And the next thing you know, you have no idea where the last couple of hours went.

That’s due, in large part, to how adroitly Game Freak's designers were able to turn Pocket Card Jockey's many disparate elements into a bite-sized title that's far more than the sum of its parts.

Actually, it goes beyond that. They also were able to combine this game's many components in such a way that you rarely think of them as separate entities. Rather than thinking of this as a solitaire game or a horse-racing or -breeding game, Pocket Card Jockey is very much its own thing--kind of like how the Famicom Disk System title, Otocky, is its own thing despite blending the shmup and rhythm genres.

All that said, more than a few of this title's elements deserve to be singled out for praise. One is its overall art style, which is about as adorable and appealing as can be. Another is its control scheme, which relies almost entirely on the 3DS' touch screen--and to great effect. Its localized text, which is both darker and wittier than most will expect from a Game Freak-made release, is similarly on-point. Finally, there's its soundtrack, which may be the best to appear in a 3DS game yet.

As for Pocket Card Jockey's negative aspects, I honestly can't think of any at the moment. Some may point to the abundance of text that's offered up here, or the fact that it becomes a tad repetitive over time, but I personally don't consider them to be worthy of complaint.

If you absolutely need me to rip on some portion of Pocket Card Jockey, this will have to do: should you be anything like me, you'll put a lot of time into this digital title. Don't believe me? Consider that I spent about 70 hours with the Japanese version of the game and I've spent nearly as many hours with its North American counterpart.

In other words, you probably won't regret spending just under $7 on it--unless, I guess, you have an extreme distaste for anything that can be described as "bonkers."

See also: my Pocket Card Jockey guide and my previous 'Great Gaymathon' reviews

Also in honor of Sega's 56th anniversary, let's rank and review (some of) its game consoles

As you should have heard by now (I mentioned it in my very last post, after all), last Friday marked the 56th anniversary of Sega's existence as a maker of video games.

In the write-up mentioned above, I discussed five of my favorite titles that were produced for Sega's most popular game systems. Today, I'm discussing--ranking, actually--the systems themselves.

Note: I'm leaving out the company's first two consoles, the SG-1000 and the SG-1000 II, because I have very little (if any) experience with them.



5. Master System--Full disclosure: of all the Sega systems I've spent time with over the years, this is the one I've played the least. Still, I know it well enough to comment on it. Anyway, why am I saying this is my least favorite of the company's many hardware releases? A big reason is that, in my opinion, the Master System--known as the Mark III in Japan--has the least appealing games catalog of all the products included in this post. Some gems were made for it, no question, but they are fewer in number than the gems made for the Genesis, Saturn, Dreamcast or even Game Gear, if you ask me. Also, although technically the Master System was more capable than its main competitor (the Famicom or NES), it mattered little in the face of the aforementioned library and the console's poorly designed controller.



4. Saturn--I'm sure some folks will raise a judgmental eyebrow in response to my decision to place the much-loved Saturn behind the much-maligned Game Gear. Don't get me wrong, I adore the Saturn with every ounce of my being. That said, at the moment my list of beloved Game Gear titles is longer than my corresponding list of Saturn titles. Also, this system is a bit of a mess internally. Its two-dimensional, sprite-based games are among the best to see the light of day, but its three-dimensional, polygon-filled ones are among the 32-bit generation's worst. Thankfully, the physical product, and that includes the Japanese controller, is a sight to behold--though I wouldn't have minded if Sega had shaved some fat off of it over time.



3. Game Gear--The same could be said of Sega's first handheld, of course. Still, the Game Gear's general design (ignoring its girth) is stellar--or it was for its time. It looks like something that plays video games--and I say that in the most positive way, of course. Although I love sleek-looking systems, I also like ones that appear toylike. In fact, the red, blue and (especially) yellow Game Gears that hit store shelves in various regions back in the day are among my most-coveted pieces of gaming hardware. Anyway, aside from all of the above, a few of this portable's other thumbs-up-worthy attributes are its Master System-esque chipset and its shockingly adroit software selection.



2. Dreamcast--It's fitting, I think, that the Sega's best designed system was its last. And when I say "best designed" I'm talking both about its look and shape as well as its internal architecture. Consider that the Dreamcast was an absolute beast in terms of power when it was released, yet it also was one of the smallest consoles ever to hit the streets. Admittedly, the thing can be loud as hell while playing a game, but that's a small price to pay in order to experience titles like Space Channel 5, Jet Set Radio, Crazy Taxi and ChuChu Rocket! The only criticisms I can aim at this particular piece of hardware are that its library of games is smaller than that of pretty much every other Sega system and that it was discontinued after spending less than three years on the market.



1. Genesis--I've got to be honest: I wasn't all that keen on Sega's entry in the 16-bit console wars when it was first unveiled. At the time, I found the SNES and TurboGrafx-16 (or PC Engine and Super Famicom) far more interesting. What prompted me to change my mind about this hunk of plastic and its lineup of boxy black cartridges? The 1993 North American release of the original Shining Force. It so enraptured me that I regularly used my allowance to rent both it and a Sega CDX from the local grocery store. Later carts and CDs--Shining Force II, Lunar: The Silver Star and Gunstar Heroes among them--similarly attracted my attention. Combine the Genesis' eye-popping games catalog with its iconic hardware designs and gorgeous-yet-functional six-button controller and it should be easy to see why it's my favorite of all of Sega's wonderful systems.

How do you feel about this Tokyo-based company's numerous hardware offerings? Share your thoughts, opinions and memories in the comments section below.

A somewhat gay review of Witch & Hero II (3DS)

Game: Witch & Hero II

Genre: Tower defense

Developer: Flyhigh Works

Publisher: Circle Entertainment

System: 3DS

Release date: 2016

Witch & Hero II doesn't offer up the most positive of first impressions.

Early on, it’s nearly indistinguishable from its predecessor in the looks department. It sounds a lot like that lovely eShop title from 2013 (read my review of it here), too.

In fact, the only aspect of Witch & Hero II that alerts you to the fact you’ve booted up the sequel instead of the FK Digital-made original is its main gameplay hook, which lets players control both of the titular characters rather than just one of them.

Unfortunately, that change isn’t as thrilling as it may seem--at least initially. At first, it’s actually kind of annoying, as keeping track of the hero and the witch (one is moved using the 3DS’ circle pad, while the other is moved using the system’s A, B, X and Y buttons) is quite a hassle, especially when the screen is swarming with enemies.

(If you’re still a Witch & Hero virgin, both games are twitchy takes on the tower-defense genre and task players--after plopping them into the shoes of an adorably Dragon Quest-esque knight--with protecting a magic-wielding witch from hordes of similarly retro-inspired baddies. Oh, and you off those pixelated foes by bumping into them, preferably from the rear, à la classic Ys.)

Thankfully, controlling two characters at the same time quickly shifts from being a nuisance to being a blast. It changes up the formula just enough to make Witch & Hero II's multi-screen trek a lot more interesting and thrilling than it would have been if developer Flyhigh Works had whipped out a sequel that simply tossed a few new enemies and music tracks on top of the first title's gameplay and called it a day.

As for aspects that could be considered less positive than the one discussed above, an obvious candidate is the massive slowdown that pops up in its latter stages. 

Another is that the game can become a cakewalk around the halfway point if you aren't careful about doling out armor, weapon and magic upgrades. This is easier said than done, unfortunately, as Witch & Hero II's early levels mean business, and your immediate reaction to them is likely to be to buff up your pint-sized adventurers as quickly as possible to ensure their survival. 

My advice: only increase the speed, strength and defense of the witch and hero enough so they won't be slaughtered. Do that, and you won't waltz through this game's second half as I did.

One last comment before I stick a fork in this review: if you haven't played the first Witch & Hero already, I'd highly recommend doing that before jumping into the follow-up. It serves as a great introduction to the second title's gameplay, plus it helps you fully appreciate the "throwing off the shackles" sense of freedom that's at the heart of the sequel.  

See also: previous 'Great Gaymathon' and 'somewhat gay' reviews

The Great Gaymathon Review #73: City Connection (Famicom)

Game: City Connection

Genre: Platformer

Developer: Axes Art Amuse

Publisher: Jaleco Entertainment

System: Famicom

Release date: 1985

The 1980s were great for folks who enjoyed playing video games with completely off-the-wall settings and premises.

There was a game that starred two brothers who, upon being turned into bubble-blowing dragons, set off to rescue their kidnapped girlfriends from a skeletal whale. Another noteworthy offering was a text adventure featuring nothing but anthropomorphic fruits and vegetables--with the protagonist being a cucumber knight.

Hell, the cartridge that helped make video games a household name around the world--its main character being a mustachioed plumber who spends his free time eating spotted mushrooms and tossing fireballs at meandering chestnut-shaped baddies with Brooke Shields-esque eyebrows--made its debut during this decade.

In that context, a pithy platformer that puts players into the driver's seat of an unstoppable hot rod and tasks them with painting the streets of various tourist destinations (London, New York City and Paris among them) seems positively pedestrian.

That's not to say Jaleco's City Connection, which began life as a quarter-muncher before being ported to the MSX and Famicom, is a bore. In fact, I'd say it's the polar opposite of that.

Admittedly, it isn't the deepest of gaming experiences. All you have to do while playing it is press left or right on your controller's d-pad to change the direction of your car--like I said earlier, it moves on its own--and hit the A button to make your auto jump. (Oh, and you can collect oil cans while racing about and then shoot them at obstacles by tapping your controller's B button.)

OK, so there's a bit more to City Connection than that. While you're busy aiming your car and timing its jumps, you also have to keep an eye on the road before you. This is because sharing the pavement with you are police cars, spikes and cats. Run into any of them and you lose one of the small handful of lives given to you at the game's onset.

If all of that sounds kind of ridiculous, well, it is. It's also surprisingly enjoyable--and even rather addictive. Basically, City Connection is one of those old games that's easy to stick into your Famicom, play for a few minutes, bop your head to the brilliant backing tunes and then return to the rest of your day.

Which I guess may sound disappointing to folks searching for another title to add to their "games are art" discussions. Plenty of titles, old and new, fit that description, though, so my suggestion is to forget about that for the time being and accept City Connection for the simplistic fun it ably provides.

See also: previous 'Great Gaymathon' reviews plus 'Manual Stimulation (City Connection)' and 'Nice Package! (City Connection)'

The Great Gaymathon Review #72: Astro Rabby (GameBoy)

Game: Astro Rabby

Genre: Platformer

Developer: Cyclone System

Publisher: IGS

System: GameBoy

Release date: 1990

It's no secret that Nintendo's GameBoy wasn't a technological marvel. Sure, its hardware was comparable to that of the Famicom (or the NES, if that's your cup of tea), but that doesn't mean a whole lot when you consider the latter was six years old when the former first hit the streets.

Also, as everyone should know by now, the GameBoy's screen wasn't the greatest. In fact, it's far more responsible for holding back this handheld's titles than the amount of sprites it could handle or the size of its onboard RAM.

I bring up all of these details because they prompted a lot of developers to put a cap on their creativity while producing games for Nintendo's first portable system. That's most evident in the shocking number of puzzlers and other simple, single-screen affairs that found their way onto store shelves during the GameBoy's reign.

The same criticism can't be laid at the feet of the folks at Cyclone System, makers of Astro Rabby. After all, not only is this Japan-only 1990 release a platformer, but it's a top-down platformer that in a really weird way calls to mind an early PlayStation effort that so many people seem to love, Jumping Flash!

Admittedly, Jumping Flash! offers players a whole lot more freedom than Astro Rabby does, but the point still stands: this is a GameBoy title that shouldn't exist given the bulk of the system's often-creatively-barren catalog.

Which begs the question: what makes Astro Rabby so great? Or, at least, what makes stand out from the system's sea of Tetris wannabes?

To that, the first thing I'd point out is the top-down, pseudo-3D platforming action that serves as this game's backbone. It's weird and kind of floaty at first, but give it time and it'll not only grow on you but it'll probably start to feel pretty darn good. I'd even go so far as to describe it as "exhilarating" after you become accustomed to it.

Mind you, Astro Rabby isn't some sort of freeform platformer that lets you wander about as you like. Actually, it's presented almost like an overhead shmup. Each space-based level scrolls forward at a rather languid pace (thankfully!). If you reach a particular level's end point without picking up the "power-up part" that's hidden within one of its many Super Mario-esque question blocks--here you bounce on them rather than hit them from below to reveal what's inside--you loop back to the beginning and continue in that vein until you finally nab it.

In the meantime, you hop around and do your best to avoid the out-of-place baddies--extraterrestrial frogs, moles, octopi and the like--as well as bottomless pits that populate the remainder of each stage.

Something that makes all of this space-hopping, parts-grabbing action a little more enjoyable than it would be otherwise is the blippy, boppy soundtrack that percolates in the background.

If only the best of those tunes played during Astro Rabby's woeful bonus rounds. They're based on that old-fashioned game known as Concentration--only in this case you're tasked with matching bell chimes rather than images. If that sounds at all appealing, well, let me assure you that it isn't.

Actually, I'm sure it would be at least acceptable if it were easy to tell the difference between the sounds. As it stands, it's hard--really hard--to tell one from another. Combine that with the fact that you have to wrap things up in 30 seconds or less, and you've got yourself a miserable experience.

Thankfully, you're allowed to continue on with your pixelated adventure even if you fail to complete these extra stages. There's no question, though, that it would be a lot more fun if Astro Rabby's developers had it so you could beat them now and then. (Full disclosure: I've yet to get close to clearing a single one.)

My suggestion: pretend these bonus rounds don't exist and instead focus your attention on the rest of what this quirky import has to offer. Do that and you should have a surprisingly good time--especially if you generally use your GameBoy to play one of the system's many puzzlers.

See also: previous 'Great Gaymathon' reviews plus 'Another Year of the GameBoy: Astro Rabby'

The Great Gaymathon Review #71: Hoshi no Kirby (GameBoy)

Game: Hoshi no Kirby

Genre: Platformer

Developer: HAL Laboratory

Publisher: Nintendo

System: GameBoy

Release date: 1992

It may be hard to believe given my current love of cute games, but my first experience with a Kirby game didn't come until I eagerly picked up a copy of the DS-based spin-off known in my neck of the woods as Canvas Curse.

Which means, of course, that I was about 13 years late to that pink, puffy party. (The title we're chatting about here, which was Kirby's maiden voyage--or whatever the gaming equivalent of that ages-old phrase may be--first hit store shelves back in 1992.)

Why did I ignore Hoshi no Kirby (aka Kirby's Dream Land) for so darn long? I owned a GameBoy system and a whole slew of GB games at the time this cart was released in my region, after all, so adding it to my collection shouldn't have been out of the question. Sadly, the only answer I can come up with at the moment is that it looked a tad too easy for my liking.

Even then, it seems, I couldn't understand the point of a cakewalk platformer. I mean, really, who wants to stroll through a side-scrolling action game that refuses to put up an adequate fight? Not me, that's for sure.

And so I turned my nose up at Hoshi no Kirby--until I played and loved Canvas Curse. Actually, it took longer than that for me to give this portable effort a chance, as I didn't dive into it until after Kirby's Epic Yarn extracted its flannel-tipped claws from the depths of my soul sometime in 2010 or 2011.

At any rate, I eventually acquired a copy of Hoshi no Kirby--and quickly fell in love with it, too. Which is a good thing, as this particular Kirby adventure doesn't last very long. In fact, its five or so worlds and their respective bosses can be toppled in about 25 minutes if you can keep yourself from dillydallying.

Strangely, coming face to face with that truth didn't bother as much as I thought it would, and my only explanation for that is Hoshi no Kirby is so damn cute, and its titular protagonist is such a joy to control, that it's hard not to put aside your usual prejudices and instead focus on having fun when you pop its cartridge into your trusty GameBoy.

Does that mean I consider this initial iteration of the Kirby formula--which is what I imagine Super Mario Bros. would be like if it had been made by kids, what with its cartoonish, dream-like focus on manipulating Kirby's gaping maw to inhale baddies and float above the earth--to be portable perfection in black and white? Not hardly.

A case in point: although Hoshi no Kirby is a total, grin-inducing hoot to play through, there's no denying its brevity--even when a second, slightly more difficult adventure is offered up on a pixelated platter at the tail end of the first. Also, there's no question that this Kirby escapade feels a bit "bare bones" when compared to pretty much every other game that stars this pink puffball.

That's not enough for me to give this game whatever my version of a "thumbs down" would be, though, especially considering both physical and digital copies of it can be picked up for less than $10 these days. Back when it was a new release and cost a couple of times that amount? Sure, why not. But here in 2015, the only reason I can come up with that would prompt me to recommend someone not buy this gem of a platformer is if they already own it in some form or fashion.

See also: previous 'Great Gaymathon' reviews

#ADecadeofDS: Penguin no Mondai Saikyou Penguin Densetsu!

Amount of time devoted to this game since I started playing it just over a month ago--Two hours and 56 minutes.

Most recent boss toppled, location reached or milestone achieved--Sadly, I was basically barreling through this comical and colorful Metroidvania until I came across what I believe to be its second major boss encounter. After trying my darndest to beat that Dragon Quest golem lookalike (I took him on a handful of times), I gave up--and haven't returned to the game since.

Overall comments on the experience so far--Given what I just said about this pint-sized platformer, I'm sure you can guess that I have somewhat mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, I love its overt quirkiness, which brings to mind one of my favorite PC Engine platformers, Obocchama-kun. Like that game, Saikyou Penguin Densetsu! is unabashedly wacky--a fact that's especially noticeable when you consider its colorful (which is putting it mildly) cast of characters, the highlight of which is what appears to be a penguin-faced pile of poo. Saikyou Penguin Densetsu! recalls the aforementioned Pack-in-Video-developed HuCard in another way, too, with that being its oddly appealing shabbiness. (Some of its graphics are admirably well drawn, while others are the definition of sloppy.)

On the other hand, like many Metroidvanias (I guess--I honestly haven't played a ton of them so far), this one can be annoyingly convoluted at times. Admittedly, it may seem less so to folks who can understand all of the text it throws at players, but I obviously can't comment on how true or false that assumption may be.

Still, despite the fact that I was embarrassingly tripped up just as I was about to start my fourth hour of this penguin-centric adventure, I enjoyed the seconds and minutes I put into it before that ill-timed fumble. That's because this Penguin no Mondai title (which is one of three that were released for the DS in Japan) has a lot going for it--and that includes components that are completely separate from the positives I pointed out a couple of paragraphs ago.

A few noteworthy cases in point: the deeper-than-they-initially-appear battle controls, the more-fabulous-than-they-have-any-right-to-be mini-bosses (all of which are penguins, too) and the guffaw-worthy gear the just-mentioned baddies give up after they've been defeated.

Will I continue to play this game in the coming days, weeks and maybe even months?--I think so. I'd be a lot more confident of that if an English walkthrough of this game could be found somewhere on the Interwebs, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the case.

Do I recommend it to others?--If you're an adventurous sort, yes. Even complete-in-box copies can be obtained for about $10 via eBay these days, so even if you wind up getting stuck like I have, you shouldn't feel as though you foolishly wasted your money on it.

Next up--Hotel Dusk

See also: previous #ADecadeofDS posts

The Great Gaymathon Review #70: Rhythm Tengoku The Best Plus (3DS)

Game: Rhythm Tengoku The Best Plus

Genre: Music/Rhythm

Developer: Nintendo SPD

Publisher: Nintendo

System: 3DS

Release date: 2015

Despite the fact that a lot of people consider video games to be synonymous with "fun," amusement sadly doesn’t seem to be the aim of a whole lot of the cartridges and discs that find their way onto physical and virtual store shelves these days.

Which helps explain why I've found the grin-inducing Rhythm Tengoku: The Best Plus to be so refreshing thus far—even though a good portion of its content is recycled from earlier entries in this vaunted series of rhythm games.

I’m not sure why my reaction to The Best Plus surprised me, I’ve got to admit. After all, I’ve adored every Rhythm Tengoku title the folks that make up Nintendo’s SPD department have spit out to this point—which includes the GBA original from 2006, 2009’s Gold and 2012’s Fever (known as Minna no Rhythm Tengoku in Japan).

I guess I just assumed that this latest iteration’s status as a “best of” release would make it less enjoyable than its predecessors. Thankfully, after putting more than 13 hours into it (and getting all the way to its credit roll) so far, I can say without hesitation that this is far from the case and that The Best Plus is just as likely to put a smile on your face as those earlier titles.

That’s partially due to the all-new mini-games that are on offer here (with "Te Te Te Pan Pan," or "Neko Clap," being the best of the bunch), but it’s also due to the fact that this iteration does things differently than the ones that came before it.

Granted, some folks—long-time fans of the series, especially—aren’t as fond as I am of the some of the changes introduced in Rhythm Tengoku: The Best Plus. The main culprits: the surprisingly text-heavy story that holds everything together this time around, the older mini-games that kick things off and feature songs that have been re-worked in mostly unappealing ways, and the many hours of play that have to be put in before you can access the first of the series’ vaunted “remixes.”

Although I can see where they're coming from with their complaints, I personally like that this release's developers had the balls to take some liberties with the series' heretofore tried-and-true formula.

It helps, of course, that after The Best Plus' somewhat slow start, everything progresses at a nice, increasingly enjoyable clip. That's especially true after a bunch of old favorites show up to the festivities (with the exception of "The Bon Odori"--harrumph) and a slew of fabulous remixes do the same.

Also helping matters is that controls in The Best Plus are as simple and straightforward as those that can be found in the GBA original. In other words, all you're asked to do is press a single button (two, on rare occasions) in time with the music that's on hand. There's no swiping of DS' touchscreen or pinching of the Wii remote's A and B buttons, as was the case with Gold and Fever, respectively--news that's sure to please a lot of the Rhythm Tengoku lovers who weren't big fans of those entries.

Admittedly, I found myself kind of missing the aforementioned touchscreen swipes while playing through some of the updated iterations of Gold's mini-games that are on offer here, but it wasn't enough of a bummer for me to considering downgrading this "review" as a result.

Speaking of which, if you've played the first Rhythm Tengoku or Fever on the Wii and got a kick out of those experiences, you'll probably react similarly to this one. Or, if you played Gold and hated it because it forced you to use your DS' stylus, you'll likely find yourself a lot less grumpy this time around.

Unfortunately, a lot of people who fall into one or both of those camps won't be able to see if my predictions are spot-on or off the mark unless Rhythm Tengoku: The Best Plus is released in their particular locale (thanks to Nintendo's idiotic decision to region-lock the 3DS hardware), so here's hoping Australian, European, North American and other localizations are announced--and sooner rather than later.

See also: previous 'Great Gaymathon' reviews