You don't say: New Super Mario Bros. Wii is a 'homosexual recruiting tool'

Did you know that New Super Mario Bros. Wii isn't just a game? According to Rev. Jim Osborne of the Landover Baptist Church, it's also a "homosexual recruiting tool."

What prompted Rev, Osbourne to point his pastoral finger at the platforming plumber's latest outing (pun intended)? For starters, GayGamer.net posted photos of some of its readers attending a launch party for the game. Also, I hyped its release in a post titled, "The headline says it all: 'New Super Mario Bros. Wii is as hard as Contra.'"

More evidence that Mario is trying to recruit the gays? I think so...

"I think 'hard' is a double entendre that doesn't just mean 'difficulty,' if you catch my drift," Rev. Osbourne opined in this landoverbaptist.net post. (He also believes Contra is a homosexual recruiting tool, BTW.)

Rev. Osbourne isn't the first member of the Freehold, Iowa-based church to rant and rave about the Mario series' subliminal gayness. A few years ago, a certain Jeb Thurmond wrote the following about Super Mario Galaxy: "This game is just another homosexual recruiting tool made by the neo-sodomites of Ninendo."

Note: The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa, and Rev. Jim Osborne is its fictional director of fundraising and tithing.

Balloon Fighter: 'The Fred Flintstone to the Joust knight’s Ralph Kramden'

If you haven't been paying attention to the game character "profiles" that have been posted to gamespite.net in the past month or so, get your posterior over there right now and start reading through them.

My favorite so far focuses on Balloon Fight's pixelated protagonist.

For starters, writer Bob Mackey lists the following as one of Balloon Fighter's strengths: "Can honestly say he just flew in from L.A. and boy are his arms tired." (I know, I have a horrible sense of humor.)

And then there's the author's explanation as to why the brass at Nintendo haven't given Balloon Fighter a second shot at gaming stardom.

"In the few additions to the Balloon Fight franchise, Balloon Fighter didn’t even make the cut; first he was replaced by a little girl in the overlooked Game Boy sequel, then by pan-sexual man-thing Tingle in a Japanese Club Nintendo exclusive remake," Mackey writes. "What you hear is the sound of karma catching up with a character who entered this world as a shameless ripoff to begin with."

The 'amazing awfulness' of Sukeban Shachou Rena

Once again, I can't claim credit for one of headlines that appears on this blog--at least not the "amazing awfulness" part, which was included in a recent Wall Street Journal article about this bizarre Wii release.

Anyway, I'm sure you're wondering, "What makes Sukeban Shachou Rena (loosely translated as Delinquent CEO Rena) such an amazingly awful game?" Well, for starters, there's the premise--which tasks players with working in an office under a demanding feline boss.

And then there are the mini-games that revolve around that premise--such as this one, which involves getting out of the way of angry cats as they launch themselves at your avatar:



Surprisingly, Sukeban Shachou Rena isn't known for its strange mini-games. Instead, it's known for selling just 100 copies when it was released earlier this year. Honestly, I'd pick up a copy myself if Play-Asia.com brought the price down a bit (they're currently selling it for $44.90). 

Of beefcake and bubble butts

IGN.com just posted a brief gameplay video of what is sure to be next year's gayest (if not greatest) WiiWare release, Muscle March:



Don't you just love how the bodybuilders' beefy little butts swing to and fro?

Fighting game characters fart in each other's faces, in slow motion

I can't claim credit for the headline above. I stole it from a tweet sent by auntiepixelante a few minutes ago.

Anyway, the video attached to that tweet made my morning. Hopefully it'll make yours, too.

Please forgive this foray into filthiness

The crew over at VGChartz.com posted an article about the top ten "game titles that sound like porn titles" yesterday, and I couldn't help but chuckle at a few of them.

Case in point: Hudson Soft's platformer-slash-puzzler, Nuts & Milk.

I also got a kick out of this choice: Golf Magazine Presents 36 Great Holes Starring Fred Couples.

I know, I know--I have the sense of humor of a six-year-old.