Haggar the whore-ible (or, enjoying the carnal pleasures of the sexy, gay, Final Fight-esque brawler, Strange Flesh)

I don't often write about "adult" games here.

Of course, I don't often play such games, either, and that's not because I'm a prude or because I otherwise turn my nose up at them.

Actually, I love playing games that titillate--especially if that titillation is aimed at the LGBT community.



Unfortunately, few games featuring content that's both adult and gay ever ping my radar. Besides the one discussed here, the only others that have done so in recent years are the steamy visual novel, Coming Out on Top, and the surprisingly sexy bullet-hell shmup, Sugar Shooter. (I've also written about the beef-tastic JRPG called Ana Holic!, but I've yet to play it.)

Given all of the above, it shouldn't be surprising to hear I was more than a bit excited when I first became aware of Strange Flesh (via this eye-opening--not to mention NSFW--teaser image) just before its release in late October.

At least, I was excited until I discovered the game was an old-school beat 'em up in the same vein as Double Dragon, Final Fight, Golden Axe, River City Ransom--you know the drill.

You see, although I've long been intrigued by side-scrolling brawlers like the ones I just named, I've rarely enjoyed playing them. Or maybe I should say I've only enjoyed playing them to a point. A few stages in, I'm bored to tears and ready to tackle something--anything--else.



Still, I decided to give Strange Flesh a chance. An hour or so later, I walked away. Not because I'd grown tired of it, as I seemingly always do with these kinds of games, but because I'd beaten it.

Granted, Strange Flesh only offers up four stages, so finishing it isn't the most noteworthy of accomplishments. I actually appreciated its brevity, though. Far too many games these days--free or otherwise--require you to dedicate hours upon hours to them. Encountering one that asks for about 45 minutes of your time is refreshing.

You know what else I found refreshing about Strange Flesh? Its graphics, soundtrack, and gameplay. All three components are so convincingly "late 1980s beat 'em up" it's hard not to be astounded by them.

Actually, that statement needs to be amended just a bit. After all, while the bulk of Strange Flesh acts, looks, and sounds like a game that came out alongside Golden Axe and Final Fight, neither of those quarter-munchers (nor any of their counterparts, as far as I'm aware) feature gameplay, graphics, or music that could be considered "adult."



Strange Flesh, on the other hand, is full of such content. Hell, you'll see something eyebrow-raising every few steps as you play through this PC game. (Download it or launch its browser version at greatestbear.com.)

After you punch, kick, and tackle the game's "figments" and "projections" (all of the action here takes place in the player's mind), you, uh, "finish them off," too--and you do so in various ways that would make most moms blush, or worse.

Speaking of which, a little disclaimer: if regularly witnessing pixelated depictions of gay sex (some of which are kinkier than others) turns you off, you should stay far away from Strange Flesh.

Which isn't to say that's all there is to this title. The core gameplay is both smooth and satisfying, even when controlled via keyboard-button presses. (Note: this is how I played through Strange Flesh. Three times.) In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if Strange Flesh were fornication-free, it would be well worth a look by all fans of the genre.



As things stand, though, it's hard to give it a blanket recommendation. Although I'm sure some straight folks will get a kick out of it, many more likely will find it disgusting or distasteful. I have the feeling the same could be said of a sizable portion of the LGBT community.

Still, I can't be the only person in the world who finds the idea of playing a pervy, gay Double Dragon clone thrilling. To anyone who feels similarly, I say: give Strange Flesh a try.

See also: Strange Flesh's spot-on instruction manual

Dear Marvelous: make a gay version of Uppers (Vita) and I'll gladly buy two copies

I know there's no real chance that what I'm suggesting here will happen, but I'm going to suggest it anyway.

After all, I can't imagine there are many male gay gamers out there who wouldn't like to see and play a same-sex version of the following over-the-top beat 'em up.

Granted, I'm not calling for the folks at Marvelous, led by Senran Kagura producer Kenichiro Takaki, to simply replace the ladies in Uppers, their upcoming Vita release, with men--which seemingly would mean a whole lot of scenes showing the game's muscly protagonists motorboating the pecs of their similarly manly onlookers.



Actually, I'd be fine if they did just that, but I'd prefer something a bit more creative. For example, they could give Uppers: Gay Edition a kind of worship-y vibe by having the aforementioned onlookers (who would be guys, just in case it needs to be repeated) squeeze the brawlers' muscles or even bury their faces in the studs' armpits.

What do you think? Am I alone in finding such a scenario appealing, or would some of you like to experience it, too? Or maybe you'd like to see something similar, but aimed at gay women? In that case, how would you want its content to differ from what's showcased in the trailer above?

Even if you don't agree with me and my idea, what is your opinion of the version of Uppers the world (Japan, in particular) will get in a few months? Do you think it's trashy and crass, or do you think it looks like childish fun?

A new trailer for one of the million or so 3DS games I'm hoping to buy in the next 12 months

Which game am I referring to in the headline above? Atlus' breast-y, Guardian Heroes-esque beat 'em up, Code of Princess.

My only real complaint about the most recent trailer (below and here) for this portable brawler: No gameplay is shown until the 50-second mark. Also, said gameplay clips rarely take up more than about one-forth of the screen. (OK, so that's two complaints. Sue me!)



Aside from that, two thoughts ran through my head while watching this Code of Princess teaser. The first: I really hope a demo of this game appears on the 3DS eShop sometime between now and whenever it's released in North America. The second: I'll bet it would be sweet to play this game on a 3DS XL.

Are any of you also salivating over the possibility of playing Code of Princess later this year?

Let's Play: 'Which Box Art is Better?' (Code of Princess edition)

I have extremely fond memories of playing through--or at least trying to play through--Treasure's Guardian Heroes back in the day. As such, I sat up and took notice of Agatsuma Entertainment's eerily similar 3DS-based brawler, Code of Princess, after reading that it was developed by some of the same folks who made the aforementioned Sega Saturn classic.

Another piece of news that prompted me to sit up and take notice of this, er, "bosomy" beat 'em up: Atlus has decided to localize and release it in North America sometime this autumn.

Will the art below actually grace the covers of North American copies of Code of Princess when they hit store shelves later this year? I kind of doubt it, but I'm going to suspend my feelings of disbelief for the time being so all of us can enjoy another round of "Which Box Art is Better?"

For those of you who are game (pun intended), here's the cover art that's been released--but not confirmed to be final, as far as I'm aware--for the North American version of Code of Princess:

And here's the box art that was created for the game's Japanese release:

As for which one I prefer: Well, I'm sure some of you (perhaps many of you) are going to disagree with me, but I like the Japanese cover more than its North American counterpart.

Sure, the former is a bit crowded and cacophonous, but I like that it features a number of characters and quite a bit of color. I find the latter, on the other hand, to be just a bit too straightforward--especially for such a crazy title.

How about you guys and gals? Does the more balanced North American art give you goosebumps, or does the jumbled, messy Japanese art make you jump for joy?

See also: Previous 'Which Box Art is Better?' posts

The Great Gaymathon Review #45: Street Fighter II' Champion Edition (PC Engine)

Game: Street Fighter II' Champion Edition

Genre: Fighting

Developer: Capcom

Publisher: NEC Home Electronics

System: PC Engine

Release date: 1993

Nowadays, this port is the definition of "meh-worthy," thanks in large part to Capcom's milking of the Street Fighter franchise. Back in the day, though, it was a marvel, as it proved, once and for all, that NEC's pint-sized--and basically 8-bit--PC Engine could compete graphically with its 16-bit competitors (those being Nintendo's Super Famicom and Sega's Mega Drive, of course). Admittedly, the music and sound effects took a pretty big hit in the transition from arcade to (20-Megabit) HuCard, but everything else in this port is pretty much spot-on--it even includes the barrel-breaking bonus stage that was cut from the Super Famicom version of the game. All that said, I rarely play Street Fighter II' Champion Edition. In part, that's because I'm not the world's biggest fan of one-on-one fighting games, but it's also because I have yet to pick up the six-button controller that was released alongside this title and is a required purchase if you want to get any enjoyment out of it at all.

See also: Previous 'Great Gaymathon' posts

China Warrior + Takahashi Meijin + toy turtles = one awesome PC Engine commercial

True story: I've never played Hudson's oft-criticized, PC Engine-based fighter, China Warrior (known as The Kung Fu in Japan).

I'm actually planning to right that wrong soon, but until that day arrives I'll content myself by watching and re-watching the following commercial, which features, at one point, Takahashi Meijin and a quartet of toy turtles.



Hopefully it's made clear to folks who understand Japanese why the "16 shots per second" star is shown, in a commercial that was supposed to prompt gamers to run out and buy a side-scrolling brawler, sitting atop a pile of said reptiles?

Note: This post originally appeared on my other gaming blog, iwasateenagepcenginefan.wordpress.com.

The Great Gaymathon Review #40: Wonder Momo (PC Engine)

Game: Wonder Momo

Genre: Beat 'em up

Developer: Nacmot

Publisher: Namcot

System: PC Engine

Release date: 1989

This game's cover art is cute, as are its title and between-stage screens. Also, its main theme is appreciably jaunty, with a Mega Man-esque quality to it. Oh, and I basically got it for free (the person from whom I bought my PC Engine threw six games, including this one, into the package before shipping it). Sadly, those are the only positive things I can say about this particular HuCard. I have plenty of negative things to say about it, though. For starters, let's go back to those graphics I mentioned in the first sentence of this little write-up. Although I'd be hard-pressed to call them terrible, I have no such problem calling them antiquated and boring--especially when it comes to Wonder Momo's yawn-enducing backgrounds. As bad as the game's visuals are, though, they're works of art compared to its gameplay, which consists of the titular Momo high-kicking and jump-kicking one ambling, odd-looking enemy after another until she's beaten enough of them to be whisked off to the next, claustrophobic stage. Every once in a while, a tornado whirls its way onto the scene, and if Momo touches it she turns into, well, I guess she turns into Wonder Momo. Regardless, she puts on a helmut, a pair of boots and wields some sort of hula-hoop-like weapon--and winds up barely more powerful than she was as Regular Ol' Momo. Toss all of the above complaints into a blender and what do you get? You guessed it: A really crappy beat 'em up that only should be added to your collection if your aim is to own each and every HuCard. Everyone else should avoid it like a pixelated plague.

See also: Previous 'Great Gaymathon' posts

You know how I said I'd buy Castle Crashers when the 'Pink Knight Pack' was available?

Well, it is, and I did ... last night!

I've been holding on to a bunch of Microsoft Points, waiting for this day to arrive, so when I saw (via NeoGAF) that the "Pink Knight Pack" was finally available for download--and for free, no less--I raced over to our TV, turned on the Xbox 360 and bought the sucker (Castle Crashers, that is) with nary a second thought.



I've barely scratched the surface of the game thus far, but the little I have, er, scratched has proven to be quite fun. Of course, how could it not be fun when you're controlling a little pink knight who wields a lollipop as a weapon and who unleashes a giant, Slinky-like rainbow as a magical attack?

See also: 'So, where's the Castle Crashers Pink Knight Pack for XBLA?' and 'I guess this means I'm going to have to get Castle Crashers soon'

So, where's the Castle Crashers 'Pink Knight Pack' for XBLA?

One of the many Xbox Live Arcade games I've been eyeing up for some time--along with Costume Quest, Limbo, Super Meat Boy and a few others--is Castle Crashers.

I've held off on buying the colorful beat 'em up, developed by The Behemoth, for one reason and one reason only: I'm waiting for the "Pink Knight Pack," which allows gamers to play as the oh-so-fabulous Pink Knight and has been available to owners of the PS3 version since early February, to be released.



According to a moderator on The Behemoth's community forums, the company is working on it. "We warned you that it would not be a fast addition," the moderator commented on Aug. 13. "There is a lot of work to be done to do a Title Update! Rest assured ... it is coming."

And as soon as that day arrives, I'll give the folks at The Behemoth the 1,200 Microsoft Points needed to buy their game.

See also: 'I guess this means I'm going to have to get Castle Crashers soon'