The 1,587,392nd Internet opinion of the soon-to-be-released Nintendo 2DS

As I'm guessing everyone who is at all interested in Nintendo and its products already knows, the Kyoto-based company announced last night that it will begin selling a new 3DS model in Europe and North America on Oct. 12--alongside a pair of games that are sure to sell a few copies in the coming months and years, Pokémon X and Y--for the bargain-basement price of $129.99.

Called the 2DS, this oddly designed system is shaped like a tablet--or, as others have pointed out elsewhere, a tombstone--and reportedly sports screens that are about the same size as the original 3DS. Oh, and as you may have surmised based on its name, those screens do not feature the same glasses-free 3D technology that's been the focal point of every previous piece of 3DS hardware.

As for what I think of this curious contraption: my initial reaction was something along the lines of "woof!" (that's not a good thing, in my case), followed by the kind of face I make whenever I decide to throw caution to the wind and see if my lifelong hatred of oatmeal has waned.

Chiefly responsible for that reaction, I think, is what I consider to be the system's generic, Fisher Price-esque design. I'm also not a fan of the color schemes being offered to North American buyers (the white-and-red 2DS--see below--that will be sold in Europe is a bit better, but only a bit). Also, there's the name--which seems like a potentially disastrous idea given how consumers continue to be confused by the differences between the Wii U and Wii, let alone the DS and 3DS.

All that said, I fully understand that this product is not aimed at gamers like myself. Rather, it's aimed at children and their cost-conscious (and 3D-wary) parents. Those folks very well may welcome the 2DS with open arms, especially if they spot it while searching for copies of Pokémon X and Y. Then again, they may reject it due to its less-portable form factor, its scratch-prone screens and its confusing name.

Those are just my opinions on the system, though; what are yours?

And now it's time for a posedown

In case you're wondering: Yes, the headline above is a not-so-thinly-veiled reference to that En Vogue chestnut of yesteryear (1992), "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)."

Amazingly, the oh-so-fabulous video for the aforementioned tune has nothing on the following video (of two people going crazy while playing the "Ring Side" mini-game in the Japanese version of Rhythm Heaven Fever), in my humble opinion:



Although I've already pre-ordered my copy of this wonderfully weird looking (and sounding) Wii game, I'm quite certain that I'm going to have to bite the bullet (and drop some cash) on the Japanese version, called Minna no Rhythm Tengoku, at some point--especially since it was revealed in this recent Iwata Asks column that one of Minna no Rhythm Tengoku's mini-games (this one) won't appear in the North American release.

Rhythm Heaven Fever hits store shelves in the States today, by the way. Buy it here, if you haven't done so already.

See also: Previous Rhythm Heaven Fever posts

And here I thought I had seen everything related to that ancient Billy Herrington meme

The always-fabulous Video Games Made Me Gay tumblog proved me wrong by highlighting the following video in a recent post:



I don't know about you, but I think it's a crying shame that no one ever took this idea and made it into a full-fledged racing game.

I mean, who wouldn't want to take control of a nearly naked Herrington as he rides his similarly muscular (and similarly lacking in clothing) bud in pursuit of ... whatever the hell it is they're chasing in the video above.

See also: 'Billy Herrington Tetris'

The Great Gaymathon Review #19: Mad Panic Coaster (PlayStation)

Game: Mad Panic Coaster

Genre: Roller Coaster Simulator

Developer: Hakuhodo

Publisher: Hakuhodo

System: PlayStation

Release date: 1997

There are just two reasons to pick up a copy of Hakuhodo's Mad Panic Coaster, in my oh-so-humble opinion: 1) it sports a pretty awesome piece of cover art (see above) and 2) it features some appealingly strange--or maybe I should say strangely appealing--gameplay. Sadly, the latter is pretty flawed despite its rather compelling premise--which throws players into the front seat of an out-of-control roller-coaster car and then tasks them with hanging on for dear life until the end of the level, er, ride. So, how is the gameplay flawed? Well, it's too difficult (i.e., fast) by half, for starters. Also, it's a bit too sloppy, control-wise, to be much fun. Case in point: The only thing you have to do to survive each of the game's 12 stages is push left or right on the control pad at the correct time, but it's often hard to figure out what the correct time is. Should you push left a second or maybe two before an upcoming turn, for instance, or should you do it right as you're rounding the turn? It's never made clear, and as a result you spend a lot of time guessing--and dying--while attempting to master the appropriately titled Mad Panic Coaster. That's too bad, because the game is easy on the eyes (as far as I can tell--everything races by at the speed of light) and ears and, like I said earlier, its survive-an-out-of-control-roller-coaster-ride premise is a pretty enticing one.

See also: Previous 'Great Gaymathon' posts

I'm a bit horrified by BurgerTime HD

When it was revealed a few weeks ago that an HD revamp of the arcade classic, BurgerTime, would soon be released (digitally) for the PS3, Xbox 360 and Wii, I was intrigued. After all, the Data East-developed original was one of my favorite games as a kid, and I still play both the arcade and Famicom/NES versions with some regularity.

Anyway, as I just said, initially I was intrigued by this so-called BurgerTime HD, which is being developed by Monkey Paw Games. After seeing it action, however, it probably would be more accurate to describe my feelings as horrified.

More BurgerTime HD Videos

My main beef with what's displayed in the video above is the game's setting. Why does it appear to be set in space? Granted, it's difficult to image an acceptable setting for a game in which players are tasked with assembling giant hamburgers, but surely the developers could ape the original's "burger factory" theme a bit more closely?

Despite my overall lack of interest in this title at the moment, I'm still planning to keep an eye on it between now and whenever it's released. Who knows, maybe the final product will be far more appetizing than what's shown in this teaser?

8-bit Fiction is back

And funnier than ever, it seems. Need proof? Check out yesterday's addition:

This one gave me a good chuckle, too.

Anyway, this hilarious tumblog seems to be getting regular updates again, so go ahead and bookmark it if you like incongruous, game-related humor.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

What words would you use to describe the following piece of art, which graced the cover of Engacho!, a PlayStation (and WonderSwan) game released in 1999?

"Disgusting" is a given, but how about "eye-catching"? After all, it isn't every day you see a piece of cover art that features a blushing butt (with wings, no less), gooey green boogers and (seemingly) stinky armpit hair.

Both words came to mind when I first saw the cover art a few days ago (thanks to a comment over at tinycartridge.com), as did "interesting" and "intriguing." Oh, and the ever-important "huh."

Forget the "huh," though; it's the "interesting" and "intriguing" that matter in this post, as they prompted me to find out what I could--which, sadly, isn't much--about this NAC Geographic Products Inc.-published title.

Turns out the game, while definitely a bit on the (comically) disgusting side, is a turn-based puzzler--which is right up my alley, especially these days.

Here's how it works: Players, controlling a young boy named Sunzuki, are dropped into each stage and then tasked with making their way to its exit (the blue square in the screenshot below) without taking too many steps and without colliding with any of the four baddies displayed in the cover art above.

Here's what happens when you collide with the flying, blushing butt.

That's no easy task, as each of the aforementioned baddies has its own movement patterns. One, for instance, mirrors your movements, while another moves in the opposite direction. As such, planning ahead is vitally important if you hope to avoid being covered with or smothered by armpit hair, boogers, poop or spit.

I'm sure that sounds about as appetizing and enticing as a date with Jabba the Hut, but it's actually pretty fun (if a bit too difficult for my rapidly atrophying brain).

'Tactical SMT Tower-Climbing Action Game'

That's what a commenter on YouTube called Atlus' perverted--in a good way--puzzler-platformer Catherine after watching the game's latest trailer. (Check it out here if you haven't already done so.)

Why am I posting that here? Well, it made me chuckle. Isn't that enough?



For more on this upcoming PS3 and Xbox 360 release, read one of the many Catherine-related posts over at andriasang.com. (Or read my previous posts about the game.)

Not sure if want: Atlus' Catherine

I've had my eye on Atlus' Catherine, which will be released (in Japan) for the PS3 and Xbox 360 on Feb. 17, since it was announced last fall.

Until yesterday, though, I didn't have a clue as to how the game would play. Now that I do have a clue--thanks to the trailer below--I'm not sure if I should keep Catherine, which was developed by Atlus' Persona team, on my "to buy" list (you know, after I finally pick up a PS3 or Xbox 360) or if I should move it to my "avoid unless you're forced at gunpoint to buy it" list.



See also: 'And this week's 'WTF is this?' award goes to ...' and 'Will either of these box covers leave Japan?'

Christmas Seaman

Get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about the limited edition Dreamcast game, which was released (alongside a red, Seaman-branded Dreamcast system) just before Christmas in 1999.

Although I have never before played Sega's strange "virtual pet" game, the holiday-themed box art below (and the alternate box art that can be seen here) is making me wish I had.

Maybe I'll pick up a copy of the North American version of the title after my Famicom and PC Engine obsessions have subsided.

(Via boxart.tumblr.com)

You know you want it: i-dong

Why waste your money buying Sony's Wii-esque Move controller or Microsoft's Kinect peripheral when you can have the best of both worlds (or not) for the low price of just $222?

That's all Chinese gamers will have to spend on the recently announced--and demoed, at the China Hi-Tech Fair that's currently taking place in Shenzhen, China--"i-dong" system. (Unfortunately, it doesn't yet have a release date.)

No, your eyes aren't deceiving you--the powers that be at Taishan Online Technology Co Ltd. actually gave their "motion controller system" a name that's more, er, phallic than "Wii." (An added bonus: The system's controller, right, looks like a sex toy if you squint a bit.)

As for how the whole thing works, well, it sounds like the Move-ish controller detects and reflects the infrared light that's sent out by the Kinect-esque sensor unit (which has to be connected to a PC or a set-top box), all of which allows users to play games or otherwise interact with their TVs.

(Via techon.nikkeibp.co.jp, by way of 1up.com)

'Super Utamaro Bros.'

If I were a real artist (and, no, I'm not saying that facetiously), this is the kind of thing I'd attempt to create:

For those of you wondering what in the hell you're looking at, well, it's a piece produced by blogger, designer and illustrator Jude Buffum. (I mentioned him earlier today in this post.)

In the description that accompanies this image on the artist's Flickr page, Buffum says he "chose to focus on the erotic fantasies of abalone divers that are quite popular within the art form known as 'shunga.'"

He also mentions that the piece is an homage to Utamaro's "Underwater Assault."

See more of Buffum's stuff here.

I have no idea what's going on here, but I'm kind of interested anyway

You know those game trailers that confuse the hell out of you because they don't show a single second of actual gameplay?

Well, the following trailer--for Rockin' Android's upcoming PSN platformer, Crescent Pale Mist--shows a ton of gameplay, yet still manages to confuse.



That said, I'm still kind of interested in the title, which hits PSN (with a price tag of $5.99 attached to it) on Nov. 9.

(Via blog.us.playstation.com)

Prepare to have your mind blown

Actually, the "mind blowing" the headline above alludes to is a two-part affair. Part one is the following (admittedly ancient) video:



Part two is this essay, which details how the tool-assisted Kaiso Mario World playthrough highlighted in the video above dovetails with the "Many Worlds Interpretation” of quantum physics.

(Via auntiepixelante.com)

No game has ever had, or will ever have, a better subtitle than ...

... Atlus' upcoming PSP side-scrolling action game, Prinny 2: Dawn of Operation Panties, Dood!

No, your eyes aren't deceiving you. The subtitle of the second Prinny game, which will hit store shelves and PSN this January, actually includes the words "Dawn of Operation Panties."



Why? Well, as the titular Prinny, "your mission ... is to find the precious panties of Demon Lord Etna," according to the wackadoos at Atlus. "Yes, you have to search for Etna’s panties, or Etna ... will skin all Prinnies and make them into panties!"

I don't know about you, but this game just got added to my (ever-growing) "to buy" list.

(Via blog.us.playstation.com)

For once, I'm (nearly) speechless

I haven't been shocked speechless by a YouTube video since ... well, since I saw the first trailer for Namco Bandai's queer-on-so-many-levels WiiWare title Muscle March early last year.

I can't be alone in hoping that someone--anyone--eventually creates a game that centers on one of these chicken-headed, thong-wearing muscle studs, can I?

The question, then, is: What kind of game would it be?

A shooter's completely out of the question, as the Cho Aniki series has that market cornered already. A fighter's a possibility--especially since ol' Chicken Head reminds me a bit of King from the original Tekken--but who plays fighters anymore?

No, I think it would have to be a rhythm game--in the vein of Elite Beat Agents/Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan or Space Channel 5, of course.  

(Via doyoulovepuppiesido.blogspot.com)

And this week's 'WTF is this?' award goes to ...

... Atlus' just-announced action-adventure game, Catherine.

What's so WTF-ish about this title, which the Persona publisher is prepping for both the PS3 and the Xbox 360? Take a gander at its first teaser trailer:



A bit of a head-scratcher, ain't it?

For a bit of background on the game's main character, Vincent, and the girl of his, er, nightmares (the titular Catherine), check out this post and this post over at andriasang.com.

'The gilrs have heart pain...'

A number of screenshots of the Nippon Ichi-Imageepoch "girl-punishing" RPG, Criminal Girls, hit the Interwebs earlier today.

I don't know if it's because I'm gay or if it's because I'm a writer, but this was the first screenshot to grab my attention:



(Note: the text near the bottom of the screen says, "The gilrs have heart pain..." )

That said, this was the second screenshot to grab my attention:



I'm pretty sure the screenshot above was pulled from one of the game's rumored spanking sequences, by the way.

See also: 'Nothin' like a good spanky'

More like Incongruous Warriors

So, I was just virtually flipping through the retro reviews on videogameden.com when I came across the site's write-up for the Famicom classic, Ikari (aka Ikari Warriors in the West).

Actually, it took me a few minutes to make my way to the review text, as the game's cover art (below) literally stopped me in my tracks.

I mean, have you ever seen a video game box cover that's so ... incongruous?

Nothin' like a good spanky

The folks at Nippon Ichi are no strangers to producing odd games--see: the Disgaea and especially the Prinny series--but it seems they're going to outdo themselves with their upcoming "girl-punishing RPG," Criminal Girls.

Developed in partnership with Imageepoch--best known for 7th Dragon and the Luminous Arc series--this PSP title, which will be released in Japan on Nov. 18, will center on "a group of young female criminals who've ended up in hell," according to andriasang.com. Your job as their guardian: to "reform" them and lead them back into the living world.



How will you reform them? Well, by punishing--i.e., spanking, etc.--them, of course! According to siliconera.com, you'll also give the girls--each of whom embody one of the deadly sins--healing massages from time to time, so apparently you won't spend all of your time being a "bad cop."

Is it wrong that I'd snap this up on day one if it were released in the States?