A somewhat gay review of Patchwork Heroes

Game: Patchwork Heroes

Genre: Action puzzler

Developer: Acquire

Publisher: SCEA

System: PSP

Release date: 2010

True story: This digital-only game, which is called Hyakumanton no Bara Bara in Japan and earned a full-on retail release in that country, is one of a small handful of titles that prompted me to pick up a PSP nearly three years ago.

Do I regret that decision now that I've finally (and fully) played through this portable puzzler? Not at all. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it's one of my favorite PSP-exclusive games (of the ones I've experienced, of course).

Heavily responsible for that, I have to sheepishly admit, are the superficial aspects of Patchwork Heroes--i.e., how the game looks and sounds. The former especially rocks my world--thanks to the colorful, textured and textile-filled art style used by Acquire's designers--although the latter's Middle Eastern-influenced soundtrack is nothing to sneeze at.

That's not to suggest Patchwork Heroes is a completely superficial experience. On the contrary, its gameplay and even story--something that isn't always a priority when it comes to puzzlers--more than hold their own against its music and graphics.

How so? Well, players are shoved into the shoes of a blue-hatted lad named Titori and then tasked with protecting his hometown from a never-ending stream of colossal, bomb-wielding warships, for starters. As for how they're supposed to accomplish all of that: Titori is flown up to said ships, latches onto them and then brings them down by cutting them into pieces. (You do this by pressing your PSP's O button and then moving its analog nub in the direction you'd like to slice.)

Frankly, it feels a lot like Taito's classic coin-op title, Qix, turned on its head, which is a treat for folks like me who grew up on such games. (Don't worry, it's sure to be a treat for those who've never experienced it, too.)

All of the above is sure to make Patchwork Heroes sound easier than it is, so let's get one thing straight: This game is not a push-over, nor is it simple. While you're cutting apart the giant ships that are threatening the protagonist's idyllic hamlet, for instance, you've also got to save a number of your fellow citizens who have, for some reason or other, become imprisoned within the advancing contraptions. Also, each ship is equipped with various forms of defense, all of which do their best to keep you from attaining your goal--and often succeed, if you're anything like me. 

Thankfully, a variety of power-ups pop up on occasion to aid you in your quest, although to assume that they'll help in any significant fashion would be the definition of foolish. Still, any form of assistance is welcome while working through Patchwork Heroes' story and challenge modes.

None of them assist this title's other possible shortcoming, unfortunately--with that shortcoming being the utensils that are used to control it (i.e., your PSP's analog nub and directional pad). Neither option makes Patchwork Heroes anywhere near unplayable, but both do their best to get in the way of things on a regular basis.

If you can get past that and the stiff challenge, though, you're sure to find this digital release to be more than worth its $9.99 price tag and a welcome addition to your PSP game collection.

See also: Previous 'somewhat gay' reviews

Acquisition #123: Patchwork Heroes

Full disclosure: I don't actually own 123 games--or at least I don't think I do. Honestly, I've never counted my collection, and I don't plan on doing so anytime soon. (I'm not sure I want to know how many titles I've purchased over the years, to tell you the truth.)

I had to attach some sort of number to this post, though, so I went with 123.

Expect to see headlines similar to the one above pop up here and there from now on, by the way. I'm tired of writing headers that are akin to "Hey, I just bought another PSP game!" so pretty much all future posts related to acquisitions will become part of this "series."

Anyway, enough about that. As the headline above suggests, my 123rd-ish acquisition is the puzzler-esque PSP game, Patchwork Heroes.

Because Patchwork Heroes is a PSN-only release, I can't share any photos of this purchase. (The box art on the right belongs to the Japanese UMD version, which is known as Hyaku- manton no Bara Bara.) I can share a few impressions of it, though--despite the fact that I've only played a bit of it thus far.

Basically, the game is a bit like a buffed-up (and inverted) version of Taito's arcade classic, Qix. That's not the most accurate comparison, I have to admit, but it is the best one, as far as I'm concerned. What that means in practice: Players control a blue-hatted lad named Titori, who has been tasked with protecting his fellow citizens from what can only be described as a never-ending stream of colossal, bomb-wielding warships. How does he achieve that objective? Why, by latching onto said ships and bringing them down by cutting them into pieces.

I'd like to save the rest of my thoughts on this addictive, charming title for a "somewhat gay review" that will be published shortly. I can already tell you, though, that the gist of said review will be that I heartily recommend Patchwork Heroes to anyone who has a PSP and 10 bucks to spare.

Screw Pac-Man Championship Edition, I'm going to play Hot Shots Tennis: Get a Grip instead

Remember how I said in this post that my next PSP purchase was likely to be Cladun: This is an RPG, Hot Shots Tennis: Get a Grip or Patchwork Heroes? Well, I was right: Late last week, while still lamenting the $4.99 I wasted on Pac-Man Championship Edition the week before, I bought a sealed copy of Hot Shots Tennis from someone on eBay for less than $10.

It was a tough decision to make, as I've had my eye on Cladun since it hit the PlayStation Store last fall and I've really enjoyed the time I've spent with the Patchwork Heroes demo over the last few days. So, what prompted me to pick up Hot Shots Tennis rather than those other under-consideration titles? For starters, I really wanted a physical as opposed to a digital-download release. Also, I'm currently in a tennis kind of mood thanks to "The Championships" (aka Wimbledon). Oh, and of course I liked Hot Shots Tennis' cheaper-than-cheap price tag.

Anyway, I played it for a few hours last night and I can already tell this is going to be my go-to game for the next few weeks. Its graphics are great, it controls like a dream (Nintendo fans: it feels like a Mario Tennis title) and, most importantly of all, it's a lot of fun. The only issue I have with the Clap Hanz-developed Hot Shots Tennis: Get a Grip at the moment is that it's far too easy. (I win most matches without losing a game.) Here's hoping the title's colorful cadre of characters begin to put up more of a fight before the closing credits roll.

After 30 minutes of tinkering, my PSP is on line

And after 30 more minutes of tinkering, said PSP is connected to a PlayStation Network account (online ID: gay4play).

After I was done with all of that, I downloaded a number of demos: Echochrome, Half-Minute Hero, LocoRoco Midnight Carnival, Patapon and Patchwork Heroes.

I've already played through the first two levels of Patchwork Heroes, and although I enjoyed them I'm not sure they lived up to my expectations. The game, although drop-dead gorgeous and laugh-out-loud humorous, is a bit more frantic than I thought it would be. Also, I'm not yet accustomed to using the PSP's analog "nub," which made the aforementioned franticness a bigger problem than it probably should have been.

I've played the Patchwork Heroes demo about five times so far and
I've seen this screen twice. Man, I suck.

I've also spent a bit of time with the Half-Minute Hero and LocoRoco Midnight Carnival demos. So far, the former is falling into the same category as Patchwork Heroes--i.e., it's funny as hell and looks heavenly, but has yet to "click" with me. The latter, on the other hand, has completely captivated me. As such, I've just added the original LocoRoco and the download-only LocoRoco Midnight Carnival to my ever-growing gaming "wish list."

See also: 'I guess it's time to get my PSP on line' and 'Guess what magically appeared on my doorstep yesterday afternoon?'

I guess it's time to get my PSP on line

Unbeknownst to me, Sony put a demo of its Potemkinesque puzzler, Patchwork Heroes (aka Million Ton Bara Bara), on the PlayStation Store late last week.

A portable puzzler with style and substance? Sign me up!

I have yet to connect my PSP to the PS Store, though, so I guess I'd better do that tout de suite.

In the meantime, here's a morsel for all of you Patchwork Heroes fans to munch on: Sony's Eric Fong has confirmed that when the title hits the PS Store ("soon" is all he'll say at this point), it'll do so with $9.99 price tag.

See also: 'Guess what magically appeared on my doorstep yesterday afternoon?' and 'Oh snap! Million Ton Bara Bara coming stateside this spring' and 'OK, it's settled ...'

Oh snap! Million Ton Bara Bara coming stateside 'this spring'

And it will be called Patchwork Heroes, according to PlayStation.Blog.

The only bummer: It seems it'll be a PSN-only title. (What can I say? I like having a case to stare at and a manual to flip through.)

Oh, well, at least it's being localized.

Anyway, here's the official, localized translation of the title's premise (again, taken from PlayStation.Blog): "Patchwork Heroes puts the fate of a city in your hands as massive warships threaten innocent citizens. Come to the people’s defense by dismantling each level’s warship quickly before the ships can strike. Rescue trapped comrades along the way by releasing them from their confines."

Sounds good to me!

Go here for more info and a few screenshots. A trailer for the Japanese version of the title can be viewed in the blog post below.

See also: "OK, it's settled ..."

OK, it's settled ...

... my next game system is going to be a PSP.

I thought it might be a PS3 or an Xbox 360, but then I saw this trailer:

The name of the game in said trailer: Million Ton Bara Bara. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean either, but who really cares--it's the product of the same creative geniuses (at Acquire) responsible for the Yuusha no Kuse Ni Namaikida (Holy Invasion of Privacy, Badman!) games, for crying out loud!

A demo of the game, featuring three stages that won't be found in the final build, will hit the Japanese PSN on Jan. 21, according to andriasang.com, while the full game will hit store shelves (again, in Japan) a few weeks later on Feb. 18.

Hopefully it'll hop the pond (to Europe and the U.S.) shortly after ...