Haggar the whore-ible (or, enjoying the carnal pleasures of the sexy, gay, Final Fight-esque brawler, Strange Flesh)

I don't often write about "adult" games here.

Of course, I don't often play such games, either, and that's not because I'm a prude or because I otherwise turn my nose up at them.

Actually, I love playing games that titillate--especially if that titillation is aimed at the LGBT community.



Unfortunately, few games featuring content that's both adult and gay ever ping my radar. Besides the one discussed here, the only others that have done so in recent years are the steamy visual novel, Coming Out on Top, and the surprisingly sexy bullet-hell shmup, Sugar Shooter. (I've also written about the beef-tastic JRPG called Ana Holic!, but I've yet to play it.)

Given all of the above, it shouldn't be surprising to hear I was more than a bit excited when I first became aware of Strange Flesh (via this eye-opening--not to mention NSFW--teaser image) just before its release in late October.

At least, I was excited until I discovered the game was an old-school beat 'em up in the same vein as Double Dragon, Final Fight, Golden Axe, River City Ransom--you know the drill.

You see, although I've long been intrigued by side-scrolling brawlers like the ones I just named, I've rarely enjoyed playing them. Or maybe I should say I've only enjoyed playing them to a point. A few stages in, I'm bored to tears and ready to tackle something--anything--else.



Still, I decided to give Strange Flesh a chance. An hour or so later, I walked away. Not because I'd grown tired of it, as I seemingly always do with these kinds of games, but because I'd beaten it.

Granted, Strange Flesh only offers up four stages, so finishing it isn't the most noteworthy of accomplishments. I actually appreciated its brevity, though. Far too many games these days--free or otherwise--require you to dedicate hours upon hours to them. Encountering one that asks for about 45 minutes of your time is refreshing.

You know what else I found refreshing about Strange Flesh? Its graphics, soundtrack, and gameplay. All three components are so convincingly "late 1980s beat 'em up" it's hard not to be astounded by them.

Actually, that statement needs to be amended just a bit. After all, while the bulk of Strange Flesh acts, looks, and sounds like a game that came out alongside Golden Axe and Final Fight, neither of those quarter-munchers (nor any of their counterparts, as far as I'm aware) feature gameplay, graphics, or music that could be considered "adult."



Strange Flesh, on the other hand, is full of such content. Hell, you'll see something eyebrow-raising every few steps as you play through this PC game. (Download it or launch its browser version at greatestbear.com.)

After you punch, kick, and tackle the game's "figments" and "projections" (all of the action here takes place in the player's mind), you, uh, "finish them off," too--and you do so in various ways that would make most moms blush, or worse.

Speaking of which, a little disclaimer: if regularly witnessing pixelated depictions of gay sex (some of which are kinkier than others) turns you off, you should stay far away from Strange Flesh.

Which isn't to say that's all there is to this title. The core gameplay is both smooth and satisfying, even when controlled via keyboard-button presses. (Note: this is how I played through Strange Flesh. Three times.) In fact, I'd go so far as to say that if Strange Flesh were fornication-free, it would be well worth a look by all fans of the genre.



As things stand, though, it's hard to give it a blanket recommendation. Although I'm sure some straight folks will get a kick out of it, many more likely will find it disgusting or distasteful. I have the feeling the same could be said of a sizable portion of the LGBT community.

Still, I can't be the only person in the world who finds the idea of playing a pervy, gay Double Dragon clone thrilling. To anyone who feels similarly, I say: give Strange Flesh a try.

See also: Strange Flesh's spot-on instruction manual

Haggar the Horrible

During my recent three-week stint in Madison, Wisconsin, I discovered the magazine below--Vol. 28 of Nintendo Power--while digging through a pile of old gaming publications sitting in the corner of my childhood bedroom.

That in and of itself isn't all that noteworthy, I admit--unless you're a huge fan of Super Mario World, of course--so why am I mentioning it here? I'm mentioning it here because of what I found on page 78 of said magazine.

If you click on the scan below and then zoom in on the guy standing in the left-hand corner of the page, you'll see what I consider to be one of the most hideous illustrations of Final Fight's Mike Haggar ever created.

Nintendo Power's take on the same game's Cody--apparently he's a mononymous person like Cher and Madonna--isn't much better, sadly:

I tried to wipe these despicable drawings from my mind by finding some filthy fan art featuring this dynamic duo, but all of my searches came up short. Thankfully, this GameSetWatch article--about a pair of rather roid-y Cody and Haggar figures--popped up just in time.

See also: 'Hubba hubba, part deux'

Yoshinori Ono on Final Fight's Poison: She's supposed to be mysterious

Attention Poison fans: EGM just (well, yesterday) posted an extremely interesting interview between its own Eric Patterson--you may remember him as Shidoshi from the old Diehard GameFan magazine--and Capcom's Yoshinori Ono.

"Poison" by Speeh

Rather than pick Ono's brain about his upcoming 360, PS3 and Vita brawler, Street Fighter X Tekken, Patterson picks the producer's brain about one of that title's key cast members: Poison, the lovable female thug who first appeared in Final Fight.

The highlight of this fascinating tête-à-tête, in my opinion: Ono seemingly backtracks on his earlier assertion that the fuchsia-coifed character is trans- gender. (In late 2007 he told EGM that "in North America, Poison is officially a post-op transsexual. But in Japan, she simply tucks her business away to look female.")

While chatting with Patterson, however, Ono said, "Capcom’s official stance has and will continue to be that we don’t have a stance technically. It’s supposed to be mysterious; if people want to talk about it on forums or what not they’re welcome to, but we’re not going to give you a straight answer because, well, there isn’t one. We deliberately want to make it a mysterious thing—that question of what’s at the core of this character. At the end of the day, we don’t have an actual canonical answer to that."

That's not the only eyebrow-raising comment included in this Poison-focused Q&A. Read the rest of them by checking out the full interview here. You may also want to check out this NeoGAF thread, which was started by Patterson and features a number of interesting insights.

Hubba hubba, part deux

Just about four years ago, I wrote--for the now-defunct GayWired.com--an article about "video gaming's hottest hunks." Because a number of additional pixelated and polygonal studs have arrived on the scene since then, I decided to pen a follow-up piece about a few of them.

Mike Haggar (Marvel vs. Capcom 3)--Is this how an in-his-prime Tom Selleck would have looked if he'd pumped iron with a similarly in-his-prime Arnold Schwarzenegger? Possibly. Even then, I doubt he would have shaved his chest or rocked a leather suspender like Mike Haggar. (Selleck certainly would have had a pair of nipples, though; something that's strangely absent in the image above.)

Little Mac (Punch-Out!! Wii)--It's doubtful that many gamers ogled the Little Mac depicted in the original Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! for the NES. His counterpart in the Wii sequel, though? Totally ogle-worthy. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised to discover there's a Yahoo! Group that's devoted to this darkly handsome character--although I would be a bit creeped out by it.

Altaïr Ibn la-Ahad, Ezio Auditore da Firenze and/or Desmond Miles (Assassin's Creed series)--That nose. Those lips. That ... chin. OK, so you have to use your imagination a bit when it comes to fantasizing about the multi-generational cast of the Assassin's Creed series. Still, it's clear that all three of these guys were blessed with great genes. If only they had chosen different career paths...

Jacob Taylor (Mass Effect 2)--It's a crying shame that the folks at BioWare didn't make it possible for gamers controlling a male Commander Shepard to put the moves on this, er, "amazingly gifted" Alliance soldier. (At the very least, they could have provided players with more scenes of Taylor sans shirt.) Here's to hoping they rectify matters in the upcoming Mass Effect 3.

Snow Villiers (Final Fantasy XIII)--Is Snow a bit of a douche? Undoubtedly. Does he have a questionable sense of fashion? Surely. Would any of that matter if he offered to buy you a drink in a dark (and possibly dingy) bar? Not on your life--especially considering the powerful pair of pecs he seems to be packing under that tailor-made trench coat.

Honorable mentions: Abel (Street Fighter IV), Ryotaro Dojima (Persona 4), Nathan Drake (Uncharted series), Chris Redfield (Resident Evil series) and Travis Touchdown (No More Heroes series).

See also: 'Hubba hubba' and 'Heartthrobs'